


I Blame You (for my habits)

by LegacyWorks



Series: Cousin Trouble [1]
Category: Leverage, Psych
Genre: Eliot is embaressed, Parker does what she wants, Protective Eliot, Shawn and Eliot are cousins, Shawn does what he wants, Shawn is hungry constantly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-27 04:01:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21112316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LegacyWorks/pseuds/LegacyWorks
Summary: “Shawn! That’s not how you use it!” Gus shouted, chasing after his best friend. Shawn kept pointing at people, shouting the word ‘distinctive’ and others that he just learned. He sprinted around a corner, stopping when he saw Shawn had been picked up by an older kid.“Eli! Put me down!” Shawn shouted from atop Eliot’s shoulders. He had been swung over in a firefighter’s carry, and his little kicks were doing nothing to wipe the smile off Eliot’s face....Hopefully having a family back in Santa Barbra won't get in the way of the mission. It's unlikely that anyone's even in Santa Barbra anymore. They moved away, after all.





	I Blame You (for my habits)

1986

“Shawn! That’s not how you use it!” Gus shouted, chasing after his best friend. Shawn kept pointing at people, shouting the word ‘distinctive’ and others that he just learned. He sprinted around a corner, stopping when he saw Shawn got picked up by an older kid. The guy was well-built and at least four years older than Shawn and Gus. He cropped his hair close to his head like how his dad used to wear as a kid.

“Eli! Put me down!” Shawn shouted from atop Eliot’s shoulders. Shawn sat over Eliot's shoulders in a firefighter’s carry. His little kicks were doing nothing to wipe the smile off Eliot’s face.

“Calm down, brat,” Eliot said as he set the boy on his feet. “Now, what were you screaming about?”

“I was trying to study for my spelling bee when Shawn decided to steal my dictionary! Now he keeps spouting out words on whatever page he sees! And they aren’t even grammatically correct!” Gus was fuming but he didn’t move to take the dictionary out of Shawn’s hands just yet. Hopefully he could get Eliot to do it for him.

“Wow, Shawn. You’re reading through a book? What happened to the little brat I knew that would bury them in the yard so Uncle Henry and Aunt Maddy couldn’t find them?” Eliot grinned at his little cousin who grinned back with the same expression. A tad of mischief in his eyes with a hint of pride.

“Oh, he’s fine. Just protecting his lifetime pal from a world of humiliation that comes with winning a spelling bee.”

“That’s not true, Shawn! Bee winners are the coolest, smartest, most successful people I have ever heard of! You don’t appreciate the prestige that comes with being a champion.” Gus held his head high, already preparing a winning speech. Eliot held back a laugh.

“Sure, kid. Keep believing that.”

“Ah! There! That’s a very distinctive attitude, Gus! He’s making fun of you! I told you I know how to use the word!”

“No, he’s not, Shawn!”

Present Day

“All right guys! Looks like we’re heading to Santa Barbra. Let’s steal us a smuggling ring.” Nate called out after the briefing. Eliot debated telling him about relatives over in that area. It wasn’t like Eliot was close with any of them anymore, and last he heard both his uncle and cousin had moved away. One to Florida and one traveling around at random. It’s not that he doesn’t trust Nate, of course. It's just that Nate can be dangerous when it comes to family.

Besides, he was drinking during the brief, so. Not the best start.

“Hey, uh, Sophie. Can I.. can I talk to you for a bit?” Eliot did his best ‘innocent eyes’, as his bratty cousin called them. Sophie was a bleeding heart that happened to like stealing artwork. Eliot was not above using that against her if necessary.

“Sure, Eliot. What’s going on? Is there something wrong with the con?” Sophie asked. Her expression hardened for a moment in thought. “We should be doing the Florida Surf Show instead, right? Except with two males instead of one female. I mean, sure, Nate’s plan will probably work, probably, but it doesn’t have the… the finesse. Right?

“What? No. It’s fine, and if we did that then Hardison would have to be one and there’s no way he could.” Eliot almost laughed at picturing Hardison as a flirty surfer. He could be the guy didn’t even know how to surf. “Anyway, it’s about Santa Barbara. See, I have family that used to live there and might know some people around that area. It should be fine, but I thought you should at least know.”

“Ah, you do? Wonderful! That should establish you in the area, there will be even less attention on you! Wait, does that mean we should have you using your real name if you need to grift? Oh, that might be a problem.” Sophie started fiddling with her hair. If Eliot didn’t know better he would call it a tell, but of course, the actress that she is made sure to developed a different tell for each of the characters she played, even Sophie Deveraux. “How likely is it that you’ll know someone?”

“I can’t say.” Eliot paused for a second, thinking back. Last he heard, Shawn was still traveling the country after their last job and Henry had moved to Florida to live out his old-person life in warmth and peace. Gus might be back, same with Gus’ family, but those were the only people that mattered. He was only in town during the holidays so none of the other locals should recognize him. “Haven’t been there in years, and haven't talked to that family in the same amount of time.”

“I see. Well, how about we have Hardison set up an identity for you anyway, and while we’re scouting around we can see if you know anyone. Sound good?”

“Good.”

“Does that mean that if we run into Eliot’s family we can meet them? Are they all hitmen? Oh, oh! What’s their last name? I bet Hardison could find them!”

“DAMN IT PARKER!” Eliot growled after Parker’s head popped down from the ceiling. “This was a private conversation!”

“I know!” She smiled before dropping to the ground. “Hardison said you were acting weird so I wanted to come see. Wow, it was not what I expected. Who would have thought Eliot had a family? Like, biological relatives? Not me, that’s for sure.”

“Everyone has a family, Parker! You have to come from somewhere! You can’t just, like, appear fully grown!”

“Huh,” she shrugs. “Sounds exhausting. Anyway, are we going or not?”

…..

Hardison, the absolute idiot, got distracted. They had only just gotten everything set up in their hotel room base when he decided that food was oh so necessary and left without telling anyone. Thank god he took his coms with him and remembered to put them in before starting to flirt with some chick he met at a grocery store.

Who the heck flirts at grocery stores? Idiot hackers, that's who.

And, apparently, mob members if Eliot was reading the flirtation method right.

Hardison and his gallons of orange soda, pre-made sandwiches, chips, and other junk food were standing outside their rented car still chatting up that girl he met while waiting in line. At least she hadn’t recognized him from all his wanted person information that Eliot knows is still floating around even after Hardison whipped himself from the internet and police systems. Paper copies of everything tends to be a favorite of someone in a… less than legal business.

“Hardison!” He shouted into the earpiece. “You idiot!” The woman placed a hand on Hardison’s shoulder and looked about to lead him away when a blond brat that Eliot was annoyingly familiar with popped out of nowhere.

“Hey there handsome! Let me look at your chocolaty goodness! Wow, I bet no one knows you’re a cosplayer, huh? You’ve got some muscles! Almost as attractive as my own sugary sweet teddy bear! Come on, let me introduce you to Snuffle-Up-A-Gus!”

“Hold up, man. Just hold up,” Hardison said as the menace dragged him away.

“Calm down Hardison, it’s alright. He’s a friendly… ish. Also, not gay so you don’t have to break it to him.” He watched the scene play out for a moment more before shouting “Damn it brat!” when the man child winked at him. Despite Eliot being in disguise. And hidden. At least he didn’t wave and blow Eliot’s cover completely.

And he got Hardison away from the girl that was likely going to shank him. So he might deserves some thanks.

“Okay man, I came with you only because you seem like a chill dude and clearly have good tastes in people, but what the heck man? What’s going on?”

“Oh, oh, oh! Is Eliot still talking to you? Is he shouting at me or at you right now? Is anyone else listening in? Man, that’s so cool!” The man-child asked, leaning closer to Hardison’s ear. “Hello? Hi everyone who’s listening, hi Eli! Dude, you didn’t tell me you were in town! And you brought an entire team? What’s happening, man? I could totally help!”

Hardison pushed him back, covering his ear from the shouts that were assaulting it. “Look man, I don’t know who you are or how you know Eliot, but you call him Eli? And you ain’t dead? Respect man, respect.”

“Thanks, double-0 seven’s guy in the chair! But man, wasn’t Eli shouting at you to get out of there? I mean, dang. She’s dangerous! I get it, she looks like a pineapple could grow out of her hair and be as sweet as a smoothie, but you can’t trust that. She’ll take advantage of your sugary goodness and send her thorns into your glass. Wait. That’s not right. Gus! I need a transistor!”

“It’s translator, you idiot. And I’m pretty sure Gus isn’t here right now. I don’t even know where you came from. Hey there, by the way. How come you showed up here?”

“Ah, Eli-Belly! How’s my stack of deadly pancakes doing right now? Hungry? ‘Cause I am starving. Haven’t eaten in days, it’s making all my thoughts food-related!”

“Okay, hold up again. I’m still confused. How do you know Eliot, and why did you two pull me away from here? She got a reputation?” Hardison was throwing his hands in the air, trying to get some level of attention back on him and his confusion.

“She’s part of a Mexican Cartel,” Eliot stated.

“And how did you know that? And don’t tell me it was the haircut. That was a normal one,”

“What? No, it was a very distinctive behavior.”

“Awww, Eli, don’t just leave it at that! But I can’t believe you still say ‘distinctive’ after so long! It was a phase from forever! How did that not end, man?” Shawn’s eyes were laughing even as he faked a more serious voice.

“Shut up, brat. Not everyone has stupid ‘phases’ like you do. Like when you decided jumping rope was the coolest thing ever and would go everywhere with one, or when Gus taught you what indubitably meant. I didn’t have phases.” Shawn threw a quick glance down at Eliot’s fingertips.

“Using guns was a phase. I told you it would be but nooo, you wouldn’t listen.”

“Back up guy whose name I still don’t know.” Hardison didn’t wait for an answer” Tell me more about this ‘phase’ that Eliot didn’t manage to grow past?”

“Oh! The ‘distinctive’ thing, right? My best man and partner in the night Twinkle Toes McBald-man willingly and enthusiastically taught me the word while he was practicing for the Spelling Bee at our school. Don’t worry, I made sure he didn’t win and waste his time with all those party-pooper activities, so he’s a functioning adult. Sorta. When he’s not being a little hotdog without its bun.”

“When Shawn learned it, the brat would run around pointing everything out.” Eliot mimicked a high-pitched child’s voice as he copied Shawn’s younger self. “‘Oh, oh, Eliot, look at that man! That distinctive hairstyle means he wears a hat! And that person over there, the distinctive pattern on their fingertips and the way they walk means they work with gunpowder! I bet they make bombs’. God, he was so annoying!”

“But it caught on! And I take offense, I am not just annoying! How rude.”

“Okay then,” Hardison started, still not understanding who this kid was. “So how exactly do you know each other?”

Eliot started talking before Shawn could say anything stupid. Or revealing. “We pulled a couple of jobs together a few years ago before losing contact. The brat is annoying, but surprisingly helpful when he really wants to be. Which is rare. Too bad there’s no way I’m letting him on the team, though. So no brat, don’t even try and figure it out.”

“But you’re targeting the Mexican mob, right? Which is why it was so bad for Hardison to talk with the super spiky pineapple. Let me guess, there was someone who contacted you, wherever you’re working out of now, to steal something for them.” Shawn paused for a moment to think. That specific group was pretty dangerous and didn’t gather too many pretty things. Sometimes pretty people, but that was rare.

“I doubt it was artwork since that group doesn’t focus much on stupid things like that. It definitely wasn’t drugs since Eli couldn't help out then. Not to kill anyone since Eli doesn’t use guns anymore…” To the best of Shawn’s knowledge, Eliot stopped killing people a couple of years ago. There hadn’t been any homicides or cover-ups that had Eli’s specific, er, distinctive (Shawn muffled a laugh) methods. “Did they hurt someone? Like, physically?

“Yep, and it was someone young. Not a child,” The group normally respected kids. Anyone under 17 was off-limits to them, especially since the boss enforced it. “But maybe someone in their mid-twenties? And it’s the… parents… that want some form of revenge. They don’t smuggle people… is it drug-related? Did they use the kid as an unwilling mule?” Eli’s less-handsome-but-still-hot Gus shouldn’t be this easy to read. He’s clearly meant to work as a conman, at least in the future. His tells are just… too obvious. “That’s dark, huh. So you’re trying to shut them down, then. Or at least, this particular branch. Well isn’t that crappy.”

“Alright, moving on. How’s your old man doing? Or Gus?” Eliot knew the topic wouldn’t be fully dropped, but at the very least he can move it to after they’ve left Hardison.

“Papa Bear's fine, moved back here even before I did and is still grilling everything. And fishing. He keeps trying to drag me out there to join him even though we BOTH KNOW it’s boring, and a waste of time, and not a sport! Stupid boat. Gus is still being a spoiled-fun-killer and won’t join me on cases. He keeps talking about having a ‘real job’ that ‘actually makes money, Shawn!’. I will never understand him.”

“Wait a minute now, hold up. What you mean by a case? You a cop?”

“What? No. I’m a Psychic Detective, duh. Being a cop would be too easy! And boring. I just solve all the cases for the cops and make fun of them while doing it. It’s a great gig, you should try it sometime. Wait, didn’t you guys already do a psychic thing? I mean, at least once, right? Yeah, it’s like that!” Shawn’s grin was met only with confusion from both Hardison and Eliot. Honestly, Eliot shouldn’t even be surprised at this point.

“So… how did you get people to believe that?”

“Oh, come on. You already ran one of these, you know it’s not that hard! You just need to find the information and put in some theatrics! Easy as that.”

“I bet you go overboard with the theatrics, though, don’t you.” Eliot’s rare smirk appeared as Shawn’s face took on an offended look.

“How dare you, sir. How dare you! I only use the most respectable of actions. The spirits only take over my body for a few minutes at a time, and most of the time they speak English! C’mon, Gus can vouch for me!” Shawn made no motion to call up Gus or do anything that would benefit his argument, so Eliot safely assumed he was right.

“Sure, brat. You keep believing that. I bet half of the department already found you out and are too nice about it to let you know. So now you’re just making a fool of yourself, right?”

“How dare you, sir! Did you talk to Papa Bear before seeing me? I bet that’s it! So instead of talking down an illegal group focused on selling drugs and messing up the votes in America’s Got Talent and attacking families, you decide to harass me!” Hardison’s face shot over to stare at Shawn.

“What do they do with America’s Got Talent? Eliot, did you know about this?”Eliot shoved Hardison’s head away from his face. It was a tad too close and Eliot was in the mood where harming him unnecessary was rising to the surface. This is why he stopped hanging around Shawn that last time. Too many people could have died if Shawn said just one more stupid thing that caused other people to have a full conversation about said stupid thing.

“Shut up, Hardison.”

“Oh! Eli, you and Back in Black should come check out Gus and my office! Also that lady who’s following you but for some reason doesn't want to show herself even though she’s clearly your teammate and not a groupie. Do you have groupies? Didn’t you do a thing as a baseball player? That was weird dude. You hate baseball.”

Parker’s head popped out from behind Shawn.

“Okay, okay. Why did everyone decide to follow me? C’mon, man, I was just going to pick up some snacks. That was it!”

“I wanted to follow Eliot since he had family. Didn’t think we would actually meet someone! You guys look exactly alike. Nice to meet you, Name Guy. I’m Parker!” Parker held out her hand for Shawn to shake, something that Sophie had been trying to teach her.

“Nice to see you again, Parker!” Shawn held Parker’s thumb between his thumb and pointer finger and shook it. Eliot shifted to see what was in her palm, only then noticing the spiked points.

A small feeling of dread passed over Eliot as he contemplated how they could have met that would leave Parker with a grudge. Shawn must have taken some of her money, there was nothing else that could cause this. “Ah! You remembered me! That’s surprising, how come?”

Shawn grinned, thinking back for a second. It had been a while since he had that conversation. “Oh, I wasn’t certain until you said you were Parker. Despereaux fanboys over you a lot, you know! When I was telling him about a run-in with an amazing thief he assumed it was you!”

“I see. Well, if it was Despereaux I guess I can let that pass. But you better not take my prize ever again, got it? I don’t like it when people take my toys.” Shawn blinked a couple of times at the hard look in her eye, but managed to start smiling again.

“Ah! There it is! Eliot, see? He looks exactly like you!” Hardison glanced between Eliot’s gruff, scowling face and Shawn’s lighthearted, smiling one.

“I don’t see it,” Hardison deadpanned. “Anyway, Shawn, you said something about your office? We should probably get out of here before someone starts putting the pieces together. Ain’t no one know about our connections yet and we should keep it that way.” Parker took her cue and started to pull Shawn along, despite not knowing which direction to go.

“Alright, fine,” Eliot said. He didn’t like it. The two sides of his life were already too close together, and this just made it more likely to run into Gus or Henry, but Hardison had a point. Besides, Parker would be going no matter what. Might as well keep an eye on her.

“So, Shawn, how come you know Despereaux. Oh, are you the one who put him in jail? That’s so sad. He was such an interesting person, I wanted to grab some of his paintings.”

“Yeah,” Shawn said. “But to be fair, he made it really difficult and I only did after he held a gun to my head, like, the second time. The first it was fine. But we’re still friends! I even got a birthday card from him this year, and we promised to go skiing again once he gets out.”

Eliot tried to ignore that Shawn didn’t mind being at gunpoint by someone as long as it was only once. He knew that, sure, but the reminder of his cousin’s lack of self preservation instincts wasn’t fun for him.

“Oh! Okay, cool! Can I see the card? I wonder if he did anything to it. He might not be a great thief, but he’s still interesting to hear about. I would never do any of his jobs, but that doesn’t make them less creative!”

“Oh! I need to tell Gus that Eli’s coming! He’s going to be so excited!” Shawn sent a quick text to his best friend. Not even a minute later his phone started ringing. “Ah! It’s Gus!” He flipped his phone open and shushed everyone.

“Hey Agent P. How do you feel about saving my world from boredom?”

“Shawn, be serious. Eli is really back? Didn’t he go missing, like, 5 years ago?” Gus’ muffled voice blared through Shawn’s speakers.

“Yeah! And he even brought his lovers, I’m Black and here-and-queer. You’ll love them. And he grew out his hair! He looks even more like a unicorn now, I swear!” Hardison was busy processing the implications of that statement as Parker began to pull Eliot’s hair into what she thought a unicorn might look like.

Gus muffled a laugh. “Only you ever thought that, Shawn. Are his eyes still scary? And where are you guys heading?” He paused for a moment, thinking. “I’m about to finish up my route, so I’ll come see you guys. Wait, do you mean Eli has a token black friend now? That’s racism at it’s finest.”

“You know it. He’s just trying to take over from me. Jokes on him, I’d be great at his job.”

“Shawn, you wouldn’t last a moment. Isn’t he a soldier right now?”

“Yeah, something like that. Anyway, Gus, you’ll love the white chick, I promise! She knows Despereaux!” Gus groaned. He should have seen this coming, especially since of course Eli would know people in the less than legal field.

“Shawn, you know I don’t like him! I still can’t believe you send him holiday cards with my face on them!”

“Tch. You can suck it. The cards are great.”

“You suck it!”

Eliot groaned. “You guys still act like this? Gus, I expected that at least you would grow up.” Shawn blinked in surprise at Eliot’s hearing. Gus wasn’t on speaker phone or anything.

“Alright, I’ll see you at the office. Try not to draw too much attention to it, Shawn.” The psychic hung up before answering. Gus should know better than to tell him that - Shawn’s hair alone would draw the attention of everyone around him.

“Alright, guys! Let’s hurry it up a tad. Grumpy-Gus will come out if we take too long.”

“Damn it. I wanted to avoid you guys,” Eliot grumbled as he walked behind the group. It was too late to stop Shawn from getting close to Hardison and Parker. He didn’t mean for Shawn to hear, but seeing as he finger signed “suck it” in code it was a bit too loud.

“Brat.” Eliot resigned himself to having to deal with Shawn and Gus for the rest of the job.


End file.
